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nonSpeed Dating

Take a breath. Slow down. Dating doesn’t have to be so rushed. It does have to be right.

[Bonus material from Get Lost.]

Chocolate Cake with Strawberries This is one of my favorite photos on  my iPhone. It’s a cake that Lexi and Aumn made me for Mother’s Day, and it was as delicious for the eyes as it was for the taste-buds.

More wonderful than the cake is the fact that my almost-twenty year old girls baked it for me. They have learned to be “busy at home” (Titus 2:5). Lexi makes a killer crab & asparagus pasta and Autumn’s sewing skills are to thank for the window treatment in my stairwell. But it’s really not about the cakes, pasta and window decor. It’s about the fact that they love family. They enjoy being home and have never clamored to go hang out at the mall or be away from mom and dad. I  know this is a treasure and I hold it with great care. Here’s why…

When Nancy Leigh DeMoss and I wrote “Lies Young Women Believe”, we sent Erin Davis (host of liesyoungwomenbelieve.com ) around the nation to uncover the top twenty-five lies young women believe. One of them was that “having a career outside the home is more fulfilling than being a wife and mom.” Sad lie, but it’s been fueled for years by the most radical of feminists. At what cost?

Rebecca Walker, daughter of an iconic feminist, once wrote about how her mother’s devaluing of marriage and motherhood tore her family apart.

“You see, my mum taught me that children enslave women. I grew up believing that children are millstones around your neck, and the idea that motherhood can make you blissfully happy is a complete fairytale,” wrote Walker in 2008.

Walker found that having a baby–which she delayed until she was almost forty due to the indoctrination of her mother—is a tremendous experience.

“…having a child has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Far from ‘enslaving’ me, [my son] Tenzin has opened my world. My only regret is that I discovered the joys of motherhood so late  –  I have been trying for a second child for two years, but so far with no luck. I was raised to believe that women need men like a fish needs a bicycle. But I strongly feel children need two parents and the thought of raising Tenzin without my partner, Glen, 52, would be terrifying.”

Marriage and motherhood are not roles to take lightly. You cannot selfishly choose to enter into them, and then one day decide they are confining or unfulfilling. It’s not just your own life you are disrupting. When you choose to be married or to have children, you must consider it with great care and the weight of the lifetime commitment that it is. It is possible that God will call you to be single and that your purpose in life will not include a family, but everyone needs to practice the heart of caring for those in their circle of influence. For that reason, I believe that it’s worthwhile to practice being busy at home. (This doesn’t mean you’ll love everything about homemaking. I’m a woman who so does not love grocery shopping. It’s such a been-there-done-that monotonous job!) But I LOVE being at home.

In your younger years you can embrace the love of family by helping a younger sibling study or encouraging your mom by making dinner one night. You might mow the lawn for your dad or invite friends to hang out in your family room. These are simply acts of preparing your heart for the future.

Here’s another simple act. Try making this amazing double-chocolate cake with strawberries! Enjoy!



  • Combine the first seven ingredients; beat on low speed for 30 seconds. Beat on medium for 2 minutes. Transfer to two greased and floured 9-in. round baking pans.
  • Bake at 350° for 28-32 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pans to wire racks to cool completely.
  • In a large bowl, cream the butter, confectioner’s sugar and cocoa until light and fluffy. Beat in milk until smooth. Spread frosting between layers and over top and sides of cake.
  • Pipe or spoon melted chocolate onto waxed paper in decorative designs; let stand until set. Arrange strawberries on top of cake.
  • For ganache, place chocolate in a small bowl. Heat cream just to a boil; pour over chocolate and whisk until smooth. Drizzle over top of cake, allowing ganache to drape down the sides. Top with chocolate garnishes. Yield: 12 servings.